I have been meaning to blog about my husband leaving this earth to be with the Lord (what many call “passing”-very few say “dying”) May 25th will be the first anniversiry of his death. That word is so hard to write.
On May 11, 2012, he was admitted to the hospital because of severe depression and frequent falls – on the advice of his counselor as he could no longer be cared for at home. He had been sick for long time with several things; Diabetes, emphysema, depression, hearing loss and equilibrium, also beginning of Demetria. and it was getting harder to give him the care he needed. I was relieved, as was the whole family that he would finally be getting the help he’d needed for so long. We were surprised hat he had finally consented to being admitted (with persuasion from each member of the family.) He had fallen the night before -that was the 3rd time that week and I’d had a hard time getting him up. That’s when I decided to call the Counselor and see if he could talk him into going into the hospital. My husband had been scheduled to go in the week before, but had canceled at the last minute. This time, the counselor suggested that the whole family should be there when he came. Afterwards, I would feel guilty that we had ganged up on him, even though I played the devils advocate and told him whatever he decided to do would be aright with me. I didn’t want him to think that we were all against him.
He was in Hope Mental Clinic in Olkmulgee for about a week and a half when he fell in the bathroom and was transferred to a nearby nursing home in Warner, where he could receive skilled nursing care. He was there for 4 days, when he fell coming out of the bathroom, hit his head and went into a coma, there was a code blue. (Later I realized I was on the phone at the same time he fell, calling to talk to him when they put me on hold because of an emergency-and the emergency was him!)
He was rushed to the emergency room at Muskogee Regional Hospital. The entire family was there, his sister, Ruth arriving before my son and family and I did. We were there for several hours, anxi0usly waiting to see how he was. When I was finally able to see him, the first thing I noticed was how pale and drawn his face was and how his stomach was abnormally distended. I know it is a terrible thing to say, but he looked like death warmed over and we could hardly stand to look at him or be in the same room with him. We took turns seeing and talking to him, and touching him . He did not respond to anything we said or did, him, or the Doctors and nurses. He didn’t seem to hear us or know we were even in the room. In the wee hrs of the morning, he was rushed to St. Francis Hospital in Tulsa as they did not have the right medical staff or equipment to deal with his condition. We went home to get some much needed sleep and went the next day.
He was in a coma for 3 days before he died. I will be writing about that time, sharing some from my journal written while I was staying at the hospital with him. I hope that it will minister to others who have gone through a similar experience of losing a spouse, or loved one,while also serving as personal therapy in the hopes that by writing about my memories, I will find some kind of closure, release and healing from the twin demons of guilt and depression. During this next week, as memories of my husbands passing will be especially close to my heart, I will be adding bits and pieces of my heartache to this blog.
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